ADHD Monday

Can someone please tell me why my kid wouldn’t eat her yogurt this morning for breakfast, but then ate paper? I don’t get it.

Mom Brain is in full effect lately. And I’m sleeping, so there’s really no excuse. Recently after shopping at Joe Fresh, I walked out sans bag full of clothes. Dumb. Luckily I remembered in the parking lot and went back. But that’s not the kicker. No, something even dumber came to light when I got home and took the clothes out of the bag. I had only looked at the hangers of the clothes, which all said 12-18 months, but somehow I ended up buying a skirt that was 3-6 months and a romper that was 0-3 months. Oy.

Confession: I kinda miss the mommy group drama. And I have questions. Ones that Google can’t answer. I promise I will be strong and resolute and won’t re-join.

How come other people’s pregnancies (OPP ya you know me!) seem to go by in the blink of an eye, but mine felt like it was an eternity? Maybe it was cuz I looked like this? Image

Oh hi, Whaley Mcgee. A year later?

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Yeah, have I mentioned I hated pregnancy? Cuz I did. And I’m not posting these pics because I’m a narcissist, but more so because I *just* got back to my pre-pregnancy weight at 10 months post-partum. And it took A LOT of work. Moms who are feeling the pressure? Ease up on yourself. It takes time. 9 months to put it on, many many months (and maybe years) to take it off.

Why does girlfriend insist on going back to the scene of the crime time and time again?

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It’s like she doesn’t remember her epic face plant from a week and a half ago, and just wants to play with the Wii remotes. Oh wait, that’s exactly what’s going on. “My name is OJ. I laugh in the face of danger! Ha ha ha.” Seriously. Why is she so fearless? My baby was supposed to cower in fear at everything. I’m confused.

Do y’all know an actress named Busy Phillips? I think she’s on Cougar Town, but I remember her from Dawson’s Creek back in the day. Recently in an interview, she calls out women who claim they lost all their baby weight from breastfeeding. I love it. Those women are all liars. I kept *all* my chunk while I was breastfeeding, because you’re ravenous and need to eat to sustain your supply. I’m fairly certain you store fat during that time as well, just to have a reserve for your baby. My weight fell off *after* I was done.

Remember a while back when I mentioned how appalled I was seeing Scott Disick shoot an alligator on the Kardashians? Well, last night was the season premiere, and just when you thought they couldn’t get any lower, they got lower. Basically, I don’t want my daughter growing up in a society where this shit can air on TV and it’s considered funny. Scott wanted Kourtney to try some “backdoor fun” (this is where it gets crass), and to get him off the topic, she asked if she could reciprocate. Enter a large blurred out purple…thing. I couldn’t make this up if I tried. Anyone else as disgusted as I am? Aren’t they marketing this as a family show to some extent? They’re such pigs. This is their season premiere? Pathetic. Not to mention, I never want my girl to think these girls are role models. Kendall and Kylie are everything that’s wrong with their generation. They’re what? 15 and 16? They dress so provocatively, wear tons of makeup, and essentially act as though they’re 25. They and their 3 sisters are 5 reasons why I will never let O watch TV or go to the mall with friends, or do anything remotely fun without me. Also, she will wear blinders.

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2 thoughts on “ADHD Monday

  1. Before I ever became pregnant, I worked with this girl who was, let’s just say, crazy beautiful. Like, cheekbones that could be used to cut diamonds, super tall, thick, perfect Scandinavian blonde hair….and she was also the nicest person ever, so you couldn’t not like her. After she had her baby, she came
    To the office to introduce her baby to everyone. This was when her baby was 3 months old. I told her that she looked amazing, and her response still resonates in my head.
    She said, “Well, it’s been 3 months.” What remains to be seen, of course, is of the memory of that comment is enough to keep me the hell away from that sweet sweet ice cream sandwich in my freezer. God I’m weak.

    You look HAWT.

  2. Awww, thanks Jen! Your Scandinavian colleague musta taken a page out of “Bringing Up Bebe”. Apparently Parisian women also have their bodies back by 3 months. Not normal.

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